My House

My House

I was just in the process of writing an email to someone and I realized a few things. First, there seems to be a general misconception that I am unhappy with my life. Considering what I write I can understand why that would be the general consensus, however it is not true. I love my life, because it's mine. I love being alive everyday. I am just unwilling to accept the idea that my life has to fit into a certain set of standards or that my past (or that of my family) predicts my future. It all boils down to a desire to be the best me I can be.

If you would please join me on a short ride into my mind, keep your hands and feet inside at all times and keep your eyes directly forward (there is a lot in there you don't want to see), and allow me to show you how I see it.

If my life, my body, my mind and my spirit were a house it would be a beautiful house. Large, warm and pleasant but not without flaws. There is mould in the walls and there are rats in the attic, but it doesn't directly affect the beauty or functionality of the house, it does however, affect the integrity. The longer I ignore the problem the worse it gets. In the beginning it is quite understandable if one doesn't notice these problems, the mould is still invisible and the rats are quite.
When we come into existence we start with one room, our spiritual place, our heart; for me it's my kitchen. My kitchen was built by the universe's greatest architect and it is perfect. As we grow we begin adding to our house, but never consider that it would be a good idea to call in a professional who knows a little something about structure. The first few rooms are pretty good as we have modelled them after the kitchen and allowed the architect some room to help us build. At some point we decide that we have a handle on what to do and venture off to do it on our own. It usually starts off well but as we build without guidance we realize that there are some things that we're not too sure about. Instead of consulting the professional we improvise and continue. It looks amazing, but we can't see the instability of the structure at this point.
We continue building and living, all the while our structure weakens and our patches start to crumble.

I still love my house but I recognize these structural flaws, I can see the mould growing on the ceiling and I can hear the rats in the attic.
I also know that there are some rooms in my house that I built out of desperation, perhaps to hide, I don't know. Those rooms were built in haste and once I left them I didn't go back. There was no amount of precision, care or professionalism that went into the structure of these rooms so they are on the verge of collapse. The big problem is that there are many rooms above and below that will be damaged, maybe severely if that happens. Those are the rooms that I fear, but I don't want to knock down and rebuild my whole house, it's not necessary nor is it a good idea because there are many rooms that I have been working on for a long time and I love them. So for now I go and spend some time in the kitchen and observe the architecture. I have to allow the architect and his team of professionals to show me how to repair and rebuild what is necessary.

Unfortunately, the last architect to help exposed a problem, really a slew of problems and didn't come back to fix them. Now they stick out like sores and I'm upset that I have to keep looking at them with no real idea of how to fix them. One thing I will do is cover them up and pretend they're not there. I just need a new architect to help me learn.

I love my life, I love my friends and for the most part I love my house, it just needs a little TLC.

And that's that!