Change

I have to say, it's pretty amazing how things can change so quickly. It all comes back to another comment. AAAH! Seriously, sometimes this is so frustrating, things seem so amazing and all it takes are the impartial words of another to throw me off.
Here is what happened, I read a comment someone made that was neither good nor bad but because I am ridiculously insecure I percieved it as something negative. I wish that knowing that was enough to change the way it feels. Immediately I re-read my post to make sure that it made sense, to make sure that it was ok. I am begining to think I am deluded to believe that any of this is good or interesting. Even in saying that I feel it, I feel that I have to explain that I don't say these things expecting someone else to prove me wrong.

Then I go back to the writing I posted today and see everything that is wrong with it, everything that is wrong with me. I felt for a while that something had changed, that I was different, well I'm not.

I guess this is a great opportunity to learn something and exercise seeing the truth and feeling the trust. Honestly, I lost that already. I don't know where I put it. Have you ever been using someone elses computer and saved something without checking to see where it was being saved? And because it's not your computer the files are all different. That's what this feels like, I had it, I saved it but I have no idea where it went.

And now the stupid government is telling me I owe them more money. I know that doesn't have anything to do with anything but it makes me mad. Bah.

love